Journey to Self: Attaining Self-Acceptance (Episode 1)
Imagine finding out that everything you thought you have been, you really are. This was me finding out I am a DIBIA. According to dibiaathletic “DIBIA” is an Igbo (West African Dialect) term meaning “Master of knowledge/wisdom.” The term refers to traditional healers, experts, and doctors.
Funny, but not so funny having to accept a calling of this magnitude. How this was possible even if I had been aware of it since the times when my subconscious was at the helm of my expressive affairs? As a kid, I remember Sundays – must be one of my fondest childhood memories – how we woke up early, and the house felt like it was in motion, with tempers flaring at slight provocation, as the house prepared for Sunday mass. Uncle Emeka, the driver always had a way of making me smile when everyone else tried and failed to get me to have my morning bath. His cheerful face and glee always had a charm on me, the only way to get my stubborn self to comply without force.
Life In The Seminary
Our regular Sunday mass time at Saint John’s Catholic Church, Rumuodara, Port Harcourt was at 8 am. Being one of those families that never got to church late, we were all seated fifteen to ten minutes before mass. They say our subconscious mind is like a recorder, that starts even before we’re born. I believe therefore our earliest memories are remembered in flashes that capture key moments of our development over time.
It made sense to me when in those flashes of key life moments when I remembered repeating this phrase as a kid, “I want to be a Priest” to my parents. As a grown-up, I got to understand those moments and could really see the full picture of what took and was taking place. I was infatuated with the rites and rituals performed by the catholic priests. Knowing what I know now, while still operating in the state of theta, my child-state could recognize my calling. However, being brought up in a foreign religion set me on a confusing journey to self.
After going that deep into my awareness of that which was very prevalent in my life and speech, I smiled at the fact that I spent three years in junior seminary until I discovered it wasn’t for me. My devout catholic parents understandably nurture the idea of being proud parents of catholic priests having heard me state my likeness for it since I was a toddler. As fate will have it, they attended a function in a seminary in Eastern Nigeria, and the next thing, there I was taking an entrance exam and gaining admission on the same day.
Who am I?
I left the seminary after my Junior WAEC after coming to the knowledge that being a priest didn’t quench your lustful or romantic desires. At the young age of eleven, I made my decision that my spirit treasured having a wife and had love of having my own children. At that point, the priesthood wasn’t what I wanted anymore, and on to the question that took a huge part of my life, “Who am I?”
My journey to self revolves around the fact that priesthood always stayed close to my mind. After the years of the devil, I had gotten married to my wife and the thought of priesthood again came to my mind as it was on the news that the Pope had started letting married men become ordained catholic priests. I guess I let the thought linger while I searched for my truth and the capacity to be all I am.
For years I have been questioning everything I had learned since childhood. Unlearning let me in on new habits, one of which is reading. Reading opened my mind to a new world. Books became my therapists as they informed the answers I had come up with for my questions. The more I applied myself, the more knowledge I believe I got. My worldview completely changed my temperament and my attitude to life. Yet more questions sprung.
God blesses us in ways we don’t know. He blesses us even when we complain about our perceived afflictions. He is always with us. God is us.
My forefathers understood the concept of Jesus and practiced it. They understood that God was in us, as represented by Jesus, and with that understanding, they took individual responsibility for their conquests. In a culture already built on goodwill and justice, our forefathers were not about money but a life worth more than gold. Until it didn’t anymore. Until the seed of hate began to take root in our ancient communities and kingdoms.
Talent is in surplus, having so many routes to success yet rooted in one spot. Ready for the task but lacking desired opportunities. Doing so much yet feeling you are holding yourself back. Everything comes only after a struggle. Breaking back to earn a living. Why is life so hard? More questions without answers.
The time comes when it is easier to live when we lessen the distraction and noises in our heads by cutting out addictive habits one at a time. Trusting in self is the only way to ride through the storm. I say this even still being in the storm. The storm is never over. Then the hand of destiny manipulated a thing or two in my favor to begin my awakening into the reality that is mine to experience. A reality that is clouded by dark forces pushing me away from serving my true purpose in life.
My Chi and I
How many battles will I leave to my Chi to fight and win? I accept my choice to stand alongside you, reverence you, and chant out your victories against all forms of principalities and powers you brought forth from your past lives. For in your last encounter in the third dimension, you were a great man of valor. Son of a King. You reigned supreme in your day, on the battlefield, and in domestic affairs. You raised men, you nurtured women. The great marksman, Ogbachalu. Father of multitudes. A slave to no one. Conqueror of many. Here we go again!
With whom much is given much is expected in return, the power of responsibility. Philosophy threads where alchemy lies in an attempt to demystify the laws of nature, yet the laws remain supreme. This is acceptance.
I embrace this knowledge, and now the walk begins. A path to destiny in eternity. Where only faith can lead. Infusing my Christian upbringing in this Traditional world. All that I am, I become. All that I am, I am as I continue this journey to self.
Watch Out for Next Episode On Journey to Self>>> Understanding the Stigma of Paganism
