These are signs to know that something is happening between your partner and colleague.
One or two of the following signs shouldn’t be overly troubling, but more than a few could be a cause for concern. These signs, while not definitive, can let you know whether or not your partner’s relationship with his or her work spouse is more than it seems
Your partner suddenly starts spending more time at work
Much more time at work. This is one of those things that can creep into you, especially if your partner is usually a workaholic. However, if you slowly start to see your partner’s working days get longer, it could mean something is wrong.
Maybe their workload is increasing … but maybe they’re spending a little more time with their work partner than they should. And that means they are choosing time with their work spouse over time spent with you.
Your partner’s phone is no longer accessible
Does your partner rip off the phone when you pick it up? Has your partner installed any “messaging apps” like Kik? It could be a way to hide their communications from you. They may assume that you will not understand this.
Another way your partner might try to hide things from you is to set it up so that their text messages don’t show up as alerts. On iPhones and most Android phones, a text message usually displays the message itself. If the message alert box appears with only “text message”, you know that your partner has set it to hide the message. It might be time to start asking some questions.
Your partner has jokes with their work spouse that they can’t explain to you
Sometimes a joke is just a joke. But here’s the problem: “It’s just a joke” is an easy way to delete extremely inappropriate things. It also means that they don’t appreciate you enough to even try to explain something they find funny.
Don’t buy the “it’s just a joke” excuse. Ask your partner to explain it to you. If you don’t understand it, then you don’t understand it. But at least you know they’re willing to try rather than unsubscribe.
Your partner starts taking all lunches with the working spouse
The whole point of a work “spouse” is to have someone with your back in a stressful work environment. Someone to vent with those who understand. So taking a lunch break or two with them is fine.
But when all of your partner’s lunches are exclusively with the work spouse, it’s a completely different situation. Are their working hours not enough to understand everything that needs to be discussed? Why is the work spouse invading your partner’s lunch hour? Is it so much time together even healthy? Your partner has some explanations to make.
Your partner doesn’t want you to meet his work spouse
This is an obvious red flag, but it may not be for the reasons you think. It’s not just that they’re hiding you from your work spouse or vice versa.
When a person is attracted to someone, they present their “best self”, which is a kind of congratulatory fiction that makes them look great. They want to keep that fiction alive and they don’t want you to see them act more charming, witty, and cultured than they normally would. In short, you may find that your partner behaves completely differently with their work spouse, and not entirely professionally, on top of that.
Your partner stops mentioning you on Facebook
Some people don’t use Facebook much. Not a bad thing. But if your spouse’s Facebook activity has changed dramatically in the past few months, you should be worried. Has your spouse stopped tagging you in photos? Instead of saying “out for dinner with the wife”, are they just saying “out for dinner?” An omission can still be a lie.
This is extremely common when a partner fakes a bad relationship with their spouse. Your partner may be telling their work spouse that their marriage is falling apart or that they barely have time to see you. They may even convince the work spouse that you are separated!
Your partner and work spouse have “their own friends”
Once your partner starts dating their work spouse and doesn’t include you, usually because “they’re all working people,” you’ve been cut off from much of their life. And it’s time to find out why.
Sometimes it is perfectly fine for someone to want to go out without a husband or wife. But there should be a standing invitation open. If you want to hang out with them and their friends, why would your partner stop you from doing it?
If they are reluctant to include you in their social life, your partner may be preventing a meeting between you and your working spouse. he or she doesn’t want to include you in the circle of friends that includes your work spouse or something incredibly shady is going on!