What defines a Happy Marriage? I don’t believe anyone can truly answer that question. Why? Simple… no one has the right to. Just the way no one should have the right to judge whether or not you are good or bad.
As individuals we live in our own separate worlds that stems from our upbringing(Nurture). This develops our worldviews in a way that is unique to our own life narrative. Our individual experiences, belief systems, DNA, and other celestial and earthly forces shape us into the flaws that we are. In today’s culture, however, the system is afflicted with divided history, and ideologies, blinding us to actual truth and freedom.
Freedom to be and to let be, Freedom to see beyond self, Freedom to love and be loved. Funny why most of us project our insecurities on each other, in a bid to feel better from external events, rather than internal growth. The myth is that our diverse ideologies from various groups, religions, political alliances, race & ethnic theories/stereotypes, etc. prevent us from finding happiness in ourselves, let alone our marriages.
How then do we expect happiness in marriage, in a world filled with hate and pageantry?
A place where society focuses more on hypocritical nuances in society instead of the betterment self. Simply put, for a happy marriage, we need to first learn to be happy, and encourage our partners to retain their happiness, while ensuring you are both individually responsible for your personal happiness in the marriage.
Society should not be in charge of establishing what constitutes a good marriage, especially in a country like Nigeria, where there are over 250 ethnic groups speaking over 500 languages, each with its own set of customs. We also have a whitewashed culture retraining what has occurred over over 6-10 generations since our colonial invaders taught religion. Furthermore, media and technology are not doing us any favors by disseminating an endless stream of distractions, ideas, and way of life that appear pleasant while addressing a difficult-to-overcome craving or addiction. And these elements do not correspond to our genuine shared experiences or reality.
So, this is like saying our operating system as a people is saturated with malwares?
Compare yourself to a computer, despite the fact that you are a higher entity, and see the similarities. The human body is the hardware, our awareness is the operating system, and our thoughts and behaviors are controlled by programming (what we have been programmed with since birth). Consider your subconscious to be a hard drive that begins recording all experiences in your life from your unconscious years of 0-7 to your conscious years. All you have saved within your subconscious (your hard drive). Too deep?
Let’s take it slowly now. Generations of lies have corroded our systems to the point that our chances of finding happiness in marriage are dwindling per second. With all of our fragmented morality and pointless opinions from every aspect of life that shouldn’t concern us, we find ourselves separated with expectations that we must reject in order to be happy.
First, we need to reconnect with who we are as a people by exploring our past and reinstating our shared customs and values. This begins with studying and sharing information about our history and cultures. And starting to accept ideals that are in line with our existence rather than systems that have always rescinded it.
This is visible in the deterioration of our media tastes for gossip news, violence, and negativity. Coupled with the ideals disseminated and formed by the media, which is highly damaging to our younger minds now that everyone has internet access.
On a good note…
Individuals must first find joy inside themselves before spreading part of that joy to other aspects of life, including marriage. We cannot rely on our relationships to make us happy, nor can we expect marriage to offer us contentment. These are the true obstacles we confront or will face for the rest of our life. And until we choose to recreate ourselves based on who we truly are instead of what we have become, we will shatter the myth of a happy marriage.
Another step towards healing our society. Comment your thoughts, like and share.