There’s a new trend going on in modern society, leading to sentiments that smart men don’t marry. From freedom to do as they please to safeguarding their assets by avoiding divorce, these are benefits of not marrying.
I have single female friends who ask me, “what makes men marry? Being a married man myself, I am only able to answer for myself, as I have no authority to speak on behalf of my fellow men.
Personally, my decision to marry was spun out of my upbringing. Watching my parent’s marriage gave me all the positive reasons to admire marriage. Although I spent 3 years between ages 9-12 in the seminary, with the thought of becoming a priest someday, somewhere deep down I knew my calling was not to be married to the Catholic Church, but to the woman of my dreams.
We are all different as humans, and as men, we are even more complicated. Some of us were lucky enough to have our formative years with both parents being cooperative and loving, while others were not so lucky. This alone does not mean that men who were brought up in stable homes all want marriage for themselves. Life is not as simple as ABC, and thus, once we are grown up, we have the liberty to make decisions we believe suit us best.
Here are 5 reasons why men see no benefit in marriage these days:
1. Easy access to sex outside Marriage
Read: I Met My Woman on Tinder – 5 Reasons Marriages are on the Decline
Since the inception of the internet and dating apps, the dynamics of the man-woman relationship have changed significantly. These days, access to sex is as easy as a swipe right. People do not need to go through the hassle of going on dates and professing love before engaging in sexual intercourse.
This reality has seriously damaged the fabric of commitment in relationships. Why does he need one woman when he can have as many as he wants? Men do not see the need to struggle for a woman’s affection anymore when there are so many women out there who are very willing to give them the space he needs to cook with.
There is a school of thought out there that believes if women restricted sex from men, the rate of marriages will increase. Being that women control sex and men control marriages in our society today, this could be a solution to address this trend of disinterest in marriages by men.
2. The rise of Baby Mamas
We all know at least one baby mama in our circle of friends. In the 80s and 90s, baby mamas were frowned upon by society and most women tried their best to avoid becoming one. However, times change, and trends change. Today, we have more women being open to the idea of being a baby mama and men have little or no problem with that either.
In my opinion, the baby mama syndrome is another form of modern polygamy, as we see a lot of women being open to having kids out of wedlock for a man who already has multiple women with his kids. Take for example local and foreign artists like 2face, Davido, Wizkid, and Future, to mention a few.
Read: Polygamy, Divorce, and Marriage in Ancient Times and in Modern Society
From a modern man’s perspective, one of the major purposes of marriage is childbearing. What then is the purpose of marrying when society doesn’t frown much at having kids out of wedlock? It has become a norm, especially with celebrated celebrities leading the charge in this way of life. However, this way of life is predominantly seen among our black race at home and abroad.
3. Lack of funds
This reason right here accounts for a very high percentage of men not getting married today. The world economy is crazy, let alone the economy here in Africa. Young men leave the university with inadequate skills to deal with the pressures of managing a family in the current economic climate. With few high-paying jobs for the masses of both male and female eligible workers, men are left with not enough to start a family.
In addition, pressure from modern women who are mostly moved by men with so much money to meet their insatiable desires. This leaves young men unable to meet up with the standards of most women in our society today. In a situation where only about a handful of men can afford the lifestyle these women want; it is clear why a large chunk of men ride solo. Although this is a reality, we find a lot of men refusing to cut their coats according to size by coupling up with the other group of content women who are happy to build with them.
Read: 6 Types of Males and their Behavior In Dating Relationships
Social media hasn’t made it any easier as men and women feel oppressed by the flamboyance they see online at weddings. Most times both genders will rather wait until they can afford a huge socialite wedding due to social media oppression. This has had a significant impact on the decline of marriages as some men who do not believe in this way of life cut their relationships with women who believe it is the way to go.
4. Toxic Feminism in and outside Marriage
Third and fourth-wave feminists have distorted the true meaning of feminism. Their propaganda today spreads the twisted narrative that men are the sole problem of society. They paint men as vile and encourage women to be in competition rather than to be cooperative with men. This has led to the rise in separated families leading to mental health disorders in men, women, and children.
For instance, when you type #mensuck on TikTok, you see over 250 million views on the hashtag. However, when you type #womensuck, you see nothing, as you are not allowed to use that hashtag. You get over 26 million views for #toxicfeminism but over 1 billion views when you search for #toxicmasculinity#.
Men are aware of this rise in toxic feminism which makes them more apprehensive about getting into marriages with modern feminist-thinking women, and women in general. Traditional marriages are viewed as oppressive to women, and most men seem to favor the traditional style of marriage. This has also significantly affected men’s view of marriages today.
Read; 4 Ways to Maintain a Happy Marriage in our Modern Society
5. Losses in divorce
This is more prevalent in Western societies. Men are fearful to marry as they lack trust in women today to stay committed through difficult times in marriage. In the United States, for instance, about 80% of marriage divorces in the black community are filed by women. Without a prenup before marriage men stand to lose a significant amount of their estate to their wives if he earns more.
For me, prenups do not feel right, as they carry an air of negativity and distrust even before the marriage starts. The sole purpose of marriage is lost when we commit to not committing if things go sour.
Read; The Myth of a Happy Marriage in Nigeria Exposed
The purposes of marriage for a man are partnership through life, peace of mind, and procreation. The moment he confirms he can’t have all three, he becomes reluctant about the idea of marriage. This is the reason most men ain’t settling down.
